Grammar Hammer

Dear PHILADELPHIA Brand Cream Cheese:

Thank you kindly for printing a “Savory Tip” on the foil seal that covers and protects your delicious product. I’m always ready, willing, and eager to learn new ways to use cheese, or in your case, spreadable cheese-ish substances.

However, I was distressed to see that your grammar department was taking a leisurely snooze on the day that this little ditty was printed on possibly billions of circles of shiny silver foil: “For a savory side dish, add plain or savory PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese Spread to hot, cooked mash potatoes.”

You see, PHILADELPHIA, the rest of the world eats mashed potatoes. Someone cooks the potatoes, mashes them, and after that process has occurred, those potatoes have been mashed. Mashed potatoes.

Other examples of this important principle:

Baked Chicken
instead of
Bake Chicken

Potted Palm
as opposed to
Pot Palm

Whipped Cream
not
Whip Cream
(although I see that one more than I care to mention)

Steamed Vegetables
vs.
Steam Vegetables

If you’d like to fly me to headquarters to review all of your printed materials for other such egregious errors, I’m ready and willing. I’ll admit to also being curious about why you are known as PHILADELPHIA cream cheese…why the unnecessary shouting? My guess is that it has something to do with your cheese not being related to the actual city of Philadelphia, but we can talk about that later. Perhaps over some BOSTON cream pie. 

(Just so you know, PHILADELPHIA is referred to as a capitalized word, not a capitalize word.)

You’re welcome, PHILADELPHIA. You’re welcome.

Love and Kisses,

SassenFrassen

I KAN HALP YOO
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4 thoughts on “Grammar Hammer

  1. Mash or mashed, PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese in potatoes is damn good. Have you ever tried it? You should. Maybe you should send them this letter and they would send you some coupons for free cream cheese. 🙂

  2. Anne, I am really enjoying your blog. Your writing reminds me of an author I really enjoy. Her name is Jennifer Weiner. She’s mostly chick lit. and her writing is really relatable for me. It also makes me laugh like yours does! I’m looking forward to reading more.

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